And don't get me wrong.I understand that sometimes it's
really hard to stop, you know.One of those times
was earlier todaywhen Donald Trump,
fresh off his Tuesday victory,flew Hair Force One
to Washingtonand headed to his new homefor one of the signature
ceremonies of American democracyas president Barack Obama
welcomedPresident-Elect Donald Trump
to The White House.-Goddamn.
-(laughter)That is so hard to watch.I know this...
I know it has to happenbut does it have to happen
so quickly?You know, it's like
if your dad diesand then your mom starts dating
at the funeral.You're like, "Come on!-Just give me time
to get used to it!" -(laughter)Like, I'm surprised, though,
that Donald Trump todaydidn't just walk in
wearing a dashiki, you know?-(laughter)
-Just being like, "Ali, bomaye."(laughter)I feel like this whole
process is backward, people.The American election
takes two years, two years,when really it should
only be like 12 weeks.But then the transition,taking over the entire
American government,which should take two years,
only takes ten weeks.You just meet the guy,
sign the thing."Nukes are over there.
All right, don't (bleep) it up.Thank you. Good luck.
Good luck. Good luck."You just switch it around.You know, one of the moments
when you realizehow big this change
is going to beis that right behind Donald
Trump during their meeting,the man who ran one
of the most divisive,racially-charged campaigns
in memory,behind him is a bust
of Martin Luther King, Jr.That bust right now must be
thinking, "I have a nightmare."(laughter)One upside was, to signify
the momentous occasion,Barack Obama had a new image
behind him,a painting of Crying Jordan
that he put up.-(laughter)
-Trump was like,"Oh, you put a picture up
of yourself, I see."(laughter and groaning)Have you ever wondered
what it would be liketo meet your worst Twitter enemy
in person?Well, picture it
with nicer chairs,and it would probably
go like this.I just had the opportunity to
have an excellent conversationwith President-Elect Trump.We were just gonna get
to know each other.We had never met each other.Uh, I have great respect."Yes, great respect."Turns out he's super nice.Never judge a black
by his cover."(laughter)How did these guys talk
for more than an hour?We talked about foreign policy,
we talked about domestic policy,and, in the meantime,
Michelle has had a chanceto greet
the incoming First Lady,and we had an excellent, uh,conversation with her, as well.Yeah. Talking domestic
and foreign policy.I bet Trump asked
to see domestic policy'sbirth certificate to make sure
it wasn't foreign.(laughter)And what was the meeting between
Michelle and Melania like?Was Melania just
plagiarizing her on the fly?(laughter) -(as Michelle):
"It's so nice to meet you."(as Melania):
"It's so nice to meet you."(as Michelle):
"This is the Roosevelt Room.(as Melania):
"This is the Roosevelt..."(as Michelle):
"Okay, stop that!"(as Melania):
"Okay, stop that!"(laughter,
applause and cheering)I feel like...I actually feel
like Donald Trumpshould have met Michelle
instead, you know?He'd be like, (like Trump):
"I'm a huge fan of your work.I, too, think women
should lose weight."(laughter, groans)It's a good thing The Daily Show
was actually there to capturethis historic meeting,
because normal camerasonly capture the physical-- our
cameras can capture the mind.We... now are gonna, uh...want to do everything we can
to help you succeed,because if you succeed,
then the country succeeds.I think President Obamahas been the most ignorant
president in our history.He has done such a lousy job.He's maybe the worst
that we've ever had.He may not have been born
in this country.He should show
his birth certificate.Everything he does is wrong.They wouldn't even
give him stairsto come out of Air Force One.He founded ISIS.Thank you very much,
President Obama.I have great respect...If somebody can't handle
a Twitter account...-(laughter) -they can't handle
the nuclear codes.He is temperamentally unfit
to be commander in chief.He pumps himself up
by putting other people down.He's spent most of his life
trying to stayas far away from working people
as he could....uniquely unqualified
to be president.This is a guy who,
like, tweets..."They should cancel
Saturday Night Live."And you want to be president
of the United States?-(crowd shouting)
-Come on, man.Mr. President, it was
a great honor being with you,and I look forward
to being with youmany, many more times
in the future.-Thank you, sir.
-All right.That is one hell
of a performance--especially by President Obama.Which means at least one black
person should get nominated-for an Oscar this year. And...
-(laughter, whooping, applause)and on the other side,Trump looks like
he likes Obama, too.Ben Carson must be
so jealous right now.(like Carson):
Oh, rats.Trump's getting a new...
black friend.(laughter)So there you have it, folks.President Obama meeting with...future president, Donald Trump.I'm... I'm gonna go
throw up now.